Wanna go there~
Wanna go there~
9/2/2012 Indian Wells, CA
I don’t want to take anything for granted… including regretting the time I have left on this earth.
I have accomplished some pretty amazing feats in my recovery including finding the real me that was locked up in a floating casket on the River of Denial.
I was a Zombie, moving but not living. Trapped in a place where I couldn’t look at who I was, who I had become and where I was going.
Thank God for God, and thank God I finally, in the depths of despair cried out to a God I did not understand, believe in, and was pretty pissed off at, for my life.
My life changed, about 10 minutes after uttering, what I now know was my cry of desperation: “God help me I cannot live like this anymore!” That’s when the phone rang and the only person in the world that I knew in recovery called and said… “P. are you o.k.? Just a minute ago I had a feeling that something was wrong with you” My first miracle…
There have been so many over the years, but to make a long story short, I have been given a second chance at life. I have been given the gift of a loving God, loving husband, children, two amazing grandchildren, siblings that recently re-united after almost 45 years (another story), and a fellowship and sisterhood that are beyond my wildest dreams.
I get to help women who are newer in recovery by teaching them how to work the 12 steps, and how to incorporate them into their lives. I get to love them until they learn to love themselves, like I was taught almost 30 years ago.
The Pacific Ocean was my first Higher Power… for years, that evolved to the Fellowship that helped love me back to life, and then easily transitioned to this loving God that lives within me, dissolving all of my fears and who taught me to love and let go of my ego.
This love of life included taking photographs to help me remember the sunrises and sunsets over that magnificent Pacific Ocean… and when we moved to the desert back in 1994 the mountains and the Palm trees caught my eye. Clouds are my rock stars! They take the sun, shadows and light and dance with them high above me.
So today for my exercise perhaps I will check out the mountains nearby. The best time is sunrise and sunset, because the shadows they cast bring out the life in them.
It depends on the light, if that doesn’t work, I will surprise myself and just let it flow… and whatever it is, I am stepping out of my comfort zone again today. Baby steps…
“You can’t cross a sea by merely
staring into the water.”
– Rabindranath Tagore
For weeks I read my friends Linda and Jennifer’s blogs, admiring the insight, wisdom and grace of their postings. The photographs that captured the essence of their travels, hiking together and individually.
I wanted what they had, but had fear as to how to do it.
I have been taking photographs for over 40 years (with either film, instamatic, or point and shoot cameras), of friends, family and special occasions… got my first a Olympus digital camera and used it for vacations and birthday parties.
My second Olympus digital camera was more challenging and I only tried it off the automatic mode a few times, experimenting, too complex for me to figure out by reading the manual. Felt like I got in the rowboat and stepped off the shore… had been using it for landscape photos mostly but it was not a natural fit for me. I bought it off a photographer friend who wanted to newer Nikon, and now I know why he sold it. He is really good and is a professional and could use all the features. Last year I took a dslr class and purchased my present Canon T3. I really like the camera and want to take more classes because I love the one on one instruction, and being a visual person anyway, you show me and I seem to retain info better.
I take photos, almost daily with my little iPhone, and I am constantly looking into the heavens, that is where my attention lies. The cloud formations excite me. The light reflections, the shadows, the images that are created for seconds and then dissolve if you don’t shoot them as is, and hope for the best.
My goal is to use my dslr more and experiment with the lessons I am learning from some amazing blogs and teachers that I admire on their blogs. I have been introduced to a few of you right here on my blog by simply liking or commenting on my simple posts. I check out your portfolios and am amazed at the talent and wealth of information available to me, and us.
I am grateful for your input, and actually feel honored when I look at your sites, that you take the time to say hi, by clicking once before sailing on…
I am a tiny passenger, but I am a passenger, not staring at the water from the shore of ambivalence. The passenger list is filled with celebrities I have met and have yet to meet. Come say hi if you have a second. I would really love that.