If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.
Yesterday was not like any other day… I stepped out of my “hula hoop”, or my comfort zone as you will. Getting out my Canon Eos and taking a dozen or so photos in my front yard, of my neighborhood. Doesn’t sound like a big deal but for me it was.
Today I am going to attempt to follow through with my goal, not a resolution, ( def.: the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler one… ) but a goal, ( def.: the end toward which effort is directed). I like the idea of directing my effort… sounds more natural to me.
I am even going to get in my car and drive out of my big hula hoop, my neighborhood and travel to someone else’s! I am not suffering from agoraphobia (def.: abnormal fear of being helpless in an embarrassing or inescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places)… I just have had fear of picking up the dang thang (Canon Eos) that I wanted for so very long, and actually using it!
When I was a kid I wanted a pair of roller skates for my birthday and my dad got me a pair… you could not get me off those skates. I would skate in a loop in our basement over and over and over with a smile on my face. What happened between then and now? I became, and probably was, an addict/alcoholic… all or nothing but mostly all! I lived an un-authentic life, deceit, self-centeredness, ego, uncontrollable urges that were very destructive for 37 years of my life.
Then almost 30 years ago I found AA, I found a sponsor and women who helped me find God. I found a fellowship that had no rules and only one requirement… and they loved me back to life using the 12 steps. I could write about the recovery portion of my story for days, and I will later… stay tuned.
But, what I am getting at, is my need to control (Coda) has another great program that I support and supports me. If I can’t do a thing perfect, I don’t do it. Simple, yet not very authentic of me to turn my back on what my God does will might be for me.
You see, I intuitively know photography is good for me, and I am good at it, at the level I am and remain. My intuition is God whispering in my ear, by the way.
I don’t trust myself to be better at it, to be smart enough to learn about it, to retain all of the vast amount of knowledge that I have found for fun and for free these last four weeks on WordPress and in the community of giving talented people (bloggers) here.
Now I have not excuse to take the next first step, do I? Yesterday I cracked the door of willingness and took some pics outside, my next first step… go exploring and just SHOOT!
What’s that all about?
Anyone else had any experience in this area?
Photo seen on Facebook
Okay, this week has been one I won’t forget… I had major dental surgery last Thursday and have been in pain most of the week. So, being home bound and resting I spent more time than usual here on my blog. This was the comfort i received with the eye candy of your posts to take my mind off the discomfort I had been experiencing.
While I was recuperating, and I still am, but much less pain at this point, I decided life is too short and what is my big fear with photography? Learning how to use my equipment properly and not practicing enough to learn! There, I said it out loud.
Today I faced my fears and stepped outside of my four walls into the front yard and just started snapping… same trees, same neighborhood, same environment, different camera!
I feel good to have slipped into my big girl panties and they actually feel pretty good.
I just posted most of the pictures I took outside today, just to prove to myself that it is pretty hard to mess up… even blurry pictures sometimes tell a story.
I decided to take the plunge, one day at a time so I can post to the Weekly Challenge this week. (Gulp!)
Pray for me…
Sounds like such a small deal, but believe me… it will be one giant step for woman kind. (This kind woman) 🙂
Phew! Feels better saying it out loud… in the open, not a secret any more…
Thanks for listening.
“You can’t cross a sea by merely
staring into the water.”
– Rabindranath Tagore
For weeks I read my friends Linda and Jennifer’s blogs, admiring the insight, wisdom and grace of their postings. The photographs that captured the essence of their travels, hiking together and individually.
I wanted what they had, but had fear as to how to do it.
I have been taking photographs for over 40 years (with either film, instamatic, or point and shoot cameras), of friends, family and special occasions… got my first a Olympus digital camera and used it for vacations and birthday parties.
My second Olympus digital camera was more challenging and I only tried it off the automatic mode a few times, experimenting, too complex for me to figure out by reading the manual. Felt like I got in the rowboat and stepped off the shore… had been using it for landscape photos mostly but it was not a natural fit for me. I bought it off a photographer friend who wanted to newer Nikon, and now I know why he sold it. He is really good and is a professional and could use all the features. Last year I took a dslr class and purchased my present Canon T3. I really like the camera and want to take more classes because I love the one on one instruction, and being a visual person anyway, you show me and I seem to retain info better.
I take photos, almost daily with my little iPhone, and I am constantly looking into the heavens, that is where my attention lies. The cloud formations excite me. The light reflections, the shadows, the images that are created for seconds and then dissolve if you don’t shoot them as is, and hope for the best.
My goal is to use my dslr more and experiment with the lessons I am learning from some amazing blogs and teachers that I admire on their blogs. I have been introduced to a few of you right here on my blog by simply liking or commenting on my simple posts. I check out your portfolios and am amazed at the talent and wealth of information available to me, and us.
I am grateful for your input, and actually feel honored when I look at your sites, that you take the time to say hi, by clicking once before sailing on…
I am a tiny passenger, but I am a passenger, not staring at the water from the shore of ambivalence. The passenger list is filled with celebrities I have met and have yet to meet. Come say hi if you have a second. I would really love that.
I was breaking the law… sorry
Today I am going to purge the files that are growing too fat to fit into their skinny jeans! LOL, I mean I am a collector of pictures and ideas that tickle my fancy or touch my heart in some way.
But at some point I need to clean out the old memories and make room for some new growth.
I can at least let go a lot easier than I used to.
It has taken a discipline and desire to change and know I will still be ok, even after hitting the “are you sure you want to permanently delete all 25,000 of these items?”…
One of my favorite new sayings is:
Let go to get a grip!
Wish me luck and I’ll let you know how it goes.