Happy Birthday Mom… I miss you!

 

9.26.2012

Happy Birthday Mom… I miss you so much!!!

Today would have been my mother‘s 86th birthday and there isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t think of her and wish I could call and here her voice.

Even though she has been gone a few years I still have a heavy heart when I realize I will never be hugged by her again, or get to share my day with her.  So I blog… and maybe someone else gets a little joy out my shares.

She taught me my love for music, and no matter how long I was away, she always loved me unconditionally.  I am glad that I was able to develop our relationship and make my amends to her for being an absentee daughter during my “journey of self discovery“.  I blamed her for a lot of my own spiritual and emotional shortcomings growing up… and found out it all began with me!  I learned how to take responsibility for some bad choices that I made, and to face my addictions and I am recovered today.  Almost 30 years of recovery has given me the most amazing life I could have ever imagined.  I found me, I found God, I found a fellowship that helped me put my life together, on step at a time.  I found women who helped me strip away the inauthentic self I was drowning in.  I found women who handed me the “tools of recovery” to recapture the child within, who was waiting for me to find her.

I am Happy, Healthy and In Love with my life today because of the journey that led me here.  I am grateful for every day and most grateful that I got to have a love affair with my mom in the last 20 years of her life.

I am blessed to have been raised by her.  She had the biggest heart in the world, and I am, and always be my mothers daughter…

Thank you God for giving her to me as my mom… you did real good!!!!

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Margaret (mom) in Seattle, Washington

 

Jewels of the desert via iPhone

 

Today’s been a great day all around, finally got to download my nature hike pics from my iPhone.  Like some of them a lot.  Thank you God for the jewels I got to bring home with me… I am truly grateful to be so lucky!

Taken with Camera +.  What do you think?  Any input for me?

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Day 3 ~ “Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.” – Author Unknown

 

I don’t want to take anything for granted…  including regretting the time I have left on this earth.

I have accomplished some pretty amazing feats in my recovery including finding the real me that was locked up in a floating casket on the River of Denial.

I was a Zombie, moving but not living.  Trapped in a place where I couldn’t look at who I was, who I had become and where I was going.

Thank God for God, and thank God I finally, in the depths of despair cried out to a God I did not understand, believe in, and was pretty pissed off at, for my life.

My life changed, about 10 minutes after uttering, what I now know was my cry of desperation:  “God help me I cannot live like this anymore!”   That’s when the phone rang and the only person in the world that I knew in recovery called and said… “P. are you o.k.?  Just a minute ago I had a feeling that something was wrong with you”  My first miracle…

There have been so many over the years, but to make a long story short, I have been given a second chance at life.  I have been given the gift of a loving God, loving husband, children, two amazing grandchildren, siblings that recently re-united after almost 45 years (another story), and a fellowship and sisterhood that are beyond my wildest dreams.

I get to help women who are newer in recovery by teaching them how to work the 12 steps, and how to incorporate them into their lives.  I get to love them until they learn to love themselves, like I was taught almost 30 years ago.

Back in 1983 I woke up in Cardiff by the Sea, Leucadia, Carlsbad, Encinitas, Oceanside and Del Mar, CA.  All beach towns along the North County coastal line between San Diego and Los Angeles.

The Pacific Ocean was my first Higher Power… for years, that evolved to the Fellowship that helped love me back to life, and then easily transitioned to this loving God that lives within me, dissolving all of my fears and who taught me to love and let go of my ego.

This love of life included taking photographs to help me remember the sunrises and sunsets over that magnificent Pacific Ocean… and when we moved to the desert back in 1994 the mountains and the Palm trees caught my eye.  Clouds are my rock stars!  They take the sun, shadows and light and dance with them high above me.

So today for my exercise perhaps I will check out the mountains nearby.  The best time is sunrise and sunset, because the shadows they cast bring out the life in them.

It depends on the light, if that doesn’t work, I will surprise myself and just let it flow… and whatever it is, I am stepping out of my comfort zone again today.  Baby steps…